Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Motherhood FAIL of the Week: Breakfast of Champions


Now that the Muffin Man is eating solid food, I spend most of my weekend evenings making baby food.  There's nothing wrong with packaged baby food, it's just that I happen to be both a dirty hippie and a control freak, so I prefer to feed my kid food that I've prepared myself.

Initially I was doing it the hard way - using a pot with a steamer basket to cook the vegetables and then dragging my Cuisinart out of the pantry to purée the vegetables - but this resulted in lots of dirty dishes and a pot I had to hand wash (ugh).  Tired of staring at my sink piled high with yet another mound of dishes that wouldn't get washed for approximately a week, I decided it was time to bite the bullet and purchase a Beaba, which is a steamer and a food processor and a reheater all in one nifty gadget.  In keeping with my cheapness, I, of course, didn't buy a new one but rather found one on Craigslist for less than half the price.  The only drawback was that it didn't come with an instruction manual.  I had every intention of going online, finding the manual and printing it out, but my intentions didn't match up with the reality of my available time, so I had to wing it.  I threw some water in the thing, peeled a couple of carrots, threw them in whole, and turned the Beaba to "cook".  While I waited for my carrots to steam, I poured myself a glass of wine and patted myself on the back for figuring out how to work my new appliance without the assistance of either my Husband or an instruction booklet.  After about 12 minutes, the carrots were done.  I threw the cooked carrots into the chopping chamber, whirled them up with a little water, and then put the purée into a tupperware (it was glass, so please don't accuse me of poisoning my child with BPAs or whatever).  When I was scraping the carrot mixture out of the Beaba I thought that it didn't look quite as smooth as commercial baby food, but I figured that it was probably fine.

The following morning I gleefully dished up a large bowl of delicious organic carrots and prepared to feed Noah my first Beaba-prepared batch of baby food.  I spooned up a big bite, put it in his mouth and waited for him to reward me with a huge smile or the gleeful kicking that he does to signify he likes something.  Instead, I was unexpectedly greeted with a horrible grimace, followed by some terrifying choking sounds and a cough that expelled the carrot puree all over me, the high chair, and half of my dining room, after which Noah started wailing uncontrollably.  People, there is a reason the baby food in jars is smooth; it's because small children can't chew or swallow larger chunks of vegetables.  Who knew?  (Not me, obviously).  Had I actually waited to use my new and exciting kitchen gadget until after I'd had time to read the instructions, I would've learned that you have to dice the vegetables before putting them in the cooking basket, otherwise they don't cook through and then they won't purée finely enough.  In typical Anna fashion, I didn't bother to wait until I knew what I was doing before diving in head first and ultimately serving Noah a spoonful of (potential) death.  Honestly, it's no wonder I consider every day that I've managed to keep my son alive a successful one.

Rest assured that I am no longer cooking up choking hazards.  In fact, I even managed to print out the instruction manual, and it's now living within arms reach of my Beaba.  As for all of those "puréed" carrots that are sitting in my freezer, I have grand plans to make a carrot cake.  I just have to find the time to look up a recipe.

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