Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Shedding my Skin

I'm itchy.  I assure you this is not some sort of code word for something sexual.  I really am very itchy and I'm leaving dry skin everywhere I go.  I've had Psoriasis since I was a little kid, and while I enjoyed a heavenly respite from this affliction throughout my pregnancy and the early months of Motherhood, it's now back with a vengeance.  Apparently it's pretty common to have it flare up once all of those supersonic pregnancy hormones leave your body, but this totally sucks.  I'm so itchy I would really love to be able to spend all of my waking hours submerged in a giant tub of oil (also not meant in a remotely sexual way - I'm simply referring to oil's moisturizing properties).

The only way I've ever succeeded in getting rid of my Psoriasis is through a strict diet and huge amounts of supplements.  Before you freak out and accuse me of Hollywood-induced anorexia, let me assure you that I am not "on a diet".  If I did actually calorie count I'm pretty sure I would, in fact, become the invisible woman, and while on some days this does sound rather appealing, I have no intention of starving myself down to the literal size of a toothpick.  Here's the thing: I love food.  I love to cook it, I love to eat it, and I especially love going to restaurants (good thing, since that's the Hubby's job).  Unfortunately, when I'm battling a Psoriasis flare-up I'm essentially forced to eat bark with a side of kale.  The list of things I can't eat is longer than the criminal records of some of my exes:

  • Sugar
  • Gluten
  • Wheat
  • Dairy
  • Yeast (this includes anything fermented like soy sauce or vinegar, and prepared condiments like mustard)
  • Nightshades (tomatoes, potatoes, peppers, eggplants, etc.)
  • Corn
  • Pork
  • White rice
  • Cured meats (bacon, deli meats, prosciutto, etc.)
  • Fruit (other than lemons and limes)
  • Alcohol

Surprisingly, lunch on the "bark eating diet" is pretty good.
Needless to say, between the itching and the food restrictions, I'm extremely grumpy.  It's a real pain in the ass to have to be so conscious of what you eat.  Normally I eat a modified version of this diet (no sugar, no gluten and no dairy), but I do like cheese, salad dressing and bacon.  (Who am I kidding, I love bacon.)  The only thing that's positive about eating this way is that it's forced me to actually learn to cook and get creative in the kitchen.  I've discovered grains that are delicious (buckwheat groats, anyone?) and figured out how to make waffles with coconut flour and quinoa.  Yeah, it sucks to not be able to eat an entire blueberry pie while watching Pitch Perfect for the 14th time, but being covered in dry, itchy skin is suckier.  However, I would suggest that you not get within ten feet of me while you're eating an ice cream cone, because I will cut a bitch.

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