Thursday, July 2, 2015

Talking Parenthood, Placenta, and Pee

Remember how before I had kids I used to be a stand-up comedian?  I know it's hard to believe, but I actually used to get paid to make jokes about poop.

I admit that despite how truly fulfilling I find changing diapers and preparing snacks for my offspring, I do sometimes miss the carefree life I used to lead.   The late nights, the camaraderie, the road gigs where you weren't sure if the sheets were washed anytime in the past decade... these are the stuff comedy dreams are made of, people!

Last week I had the chance to reconnect with one of the funny ladies I've known since I first started doing stand-up, Kira Soltanovich.  You may recognize her gorgeous face from The Tonight Show with Jay Leno or Jimmy Kimmel Live, but in addition to being hilarious, Kira is the Mom of a three year old (with another babe on the way!), and she hosts her own podcast.

It was great fun sitting down with her and discussing my favorite subjects including eating placenta, dating losers, and how I sort-of considered aborting my second child.


Listen To: Anna Lane on The Kira Soltanovich Podcast

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Wednesday, July 1, 2015

One Father of a Day

In honor of Father’s Day two weeks ago, I figured I’d write a post about my last minute attempt to make the day a good one. Sometimes, in my efforts to get everything planned out to perfection, I instead get paralyzed with indecision on which route to take. Such was the case with this Father’s Day.  

Months ago, I planned what I thought would be a lovely day.  Here's the catch: the only "plans" I made were in my head.  I never actually made any reservations or purchased any tickets, and then, all at once, Father's Day was upon us. What was a gal to do? 

Flea market treasure makes learning letters so much more stylish, amiright?
I decided to take a page from the Haasband's well-written book and do just what he did for Mother’s Day; absolutely nothing. He planned not a single thing and let the day unfold as it may.  I know that sounds terrible, but in reality it was perfect: a trip to the Farmer’s Market, a walk around the Silver Lake Reservoir (complete with surprise sidewalk sale purchase of the coolest letter and number board ever for C), and the discovery that my all time favorite treat, Knuckleand Claw, had a new shopfront around the corner, made for spontaneous perfection. 

He's definitely on to something with this whole "no plans" thing, so I copied him.

It's amazing what can happen when you go with the flow.  We ended up brunching at our new favorite spot, Mess Hall. Ooey gooey lemon ricotta pancakes, eggs, bacon; the perfect brunch menu, especially with a hungry (almost) three year old in tow.  While we relaxed over coffee and good eats, the conversation rolled around to C's impending immersion swim class.  Growing up in the City of Angels means swim parties, beach dates, and one's youth spent around water, so the idea of having a kid who can swim is pretty exciting ("swim" might be too ambitious a word when referring to a three year old - let's go with "keep his head above water").  Halfway through a bite of ricotta pancakes it occurred to me that C would need a swim cap, or he'd have to submit to having his hair tied in a ponytail.  I can count on one hand the number of times C has allowed me to touch his precious locks, so a quick detour to the closest Big 5 sports had us cruising the Water Sports aisle for a swim cap small enough to fit a little man with a big brain, but a toddler-sized head.  Swimming attire crisis averted, we headed for home, but were waylaid by the Pedal Boats at Echo Park Lake.  I’ve been hankering to try these out since C was born, and it was a beautiful day, so we figured if all else failed, C would be happy with the blood orange lemonade they served at the boathouse. Turns out we didn’t even need the lemonade, the boats were such a hit. What a great way to spend a hot summer day: on the lake, pedaling around, passing the time with great company and a cool breeze.

As for the gift... we don't typically go in for the store bought gifts here at Casa Haas, unless it's something for me that requires additional insurance coverage. I wasn’t quite sure what to go with: a new pair of skinny jeans with a note saying “so you'll never get caught wearing Dad jeans”?  Or do I finally (FINALLY!) use the globe we bought at the Rose Bowl Flea that was earmarked for a project for C’s room  - paint it with a quote – “greatest dad in the…” Or do I have a photographer come for a session of snaps of him and C?  In the end, I opted for an in-home massage; because anyone with rambunctious offspring and a stressful full-time career is sure to have enough knots in his neck to justify a house call from an excellent massage therapist.  Happiness and relaxation abounded.  

Mission accomplished.

P.S. - when faced with the idea of the swim cap, C opted for his hair in a ponytail, which was cute beyond words.  The epic tears from being dunked underwater, however, were not.  

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