|Looks like someone had a few too many Midori sours.|
Now that my kids are older and therefore able to entertain themselves while I ignore them, I've been slowly sorting through all of the accumulated junk that's managed to pile up in the closets, cupboards, and garage. Pro tip: you really don't need to hang on to a bunch of spit-up stained bibs if your uterus is closed for business. Also, you really are never going to fit into those pre-pregnancy jeans again, so stop holding on to hope and invest in a pair of pants that don't cut off the blood supply to your lady parts.
As part of my garage purge, I stumbled upon a giant box filled with old photos from my high school and college years. While I was sorting through the pile of snapshots, two things crossed my mind: one, that my children will never experience having to wait several days or weeks in order to see what the photos from their disposable camera look like, and two, that there were some really hideous trends from the 90's.
|I graduated from NYU, but it appears my eyebrows did not.|
Midori sour. Whoever invented this drink and dared to call himself a Mixologist should be drowned in a bin of dirty ice, because this "cocktail" is vile. I sincerely hope that the young girls of 2016 are not still ordering this monstrosity and fancying themselves sophisticated, because this is basically just Otter Pop-flavored alcohol. I threw back my share of this horrendous drink, which may explain why I slept with as many losers as I did. Any drink that is garnished with a cherry - other than a classic Manhattan - should not be ordered by any woman fancying herself an adult.
I guess, when all is said and done, I'm happy to be a grown-up. Sure, I would love to have those teenage abs back, and I could really do without the postpartum tummy pooch, stretch marks, and saggy boobs, but at least I have a great haircut and would never, ever be caught dead drinking any cocktails the color of nuclear waste.