|Feeling overwhelmed by motherhood?|
I know, I'm so embarrassed to even type that, because it makes me sound like the butt of a joke from overheardla, but, yeah, I'm taking 10 minutes every day to breath and still my thoughts. Now before you navigate away from this page and write me off forever as having gone full crunchy granola, give me a chance to defend myself.
Firstly, I'm originally from Berkeley, so while I may not look like a dirty hippie on the outside, I can assure you that she's buried deep inside and she only wears natural deodorant.
Secondly, and more importantly, I started meditating because I found that I was really angry all the time. I was grouchy, snappish, and impatient, and one afternoon I found myself sitting in my car yelling at my kids because they didn't want to go to a birthday party. Actually yelling. At my two little kids.
Not my finest moment, to say the least.
I'm the first to admit that kids, especially toddlers, can be infuriating. They totally know how to push your buttons and they do it frequently and derive a lot of pleasure from it. Basically, toddlers can be total assholes. This makes it difficult to remember that they're just being kids and that it's your job as a parent to not act like a child yourself, even when your gut instinct is to yell, "stop calling me names, you're a jerk!" and to hide in a corner with your security blanket.
I knew that if I didn't get my sh*t together, I'd screw my kids up more than I already have, and that I'd basically end up paying for a lifetime of therapy for my offspring. Also, I admit to not wanting my kids to remember me as mean mommy. No one wants their future son or daughter-in-law to think ill of them, amiright? #Selfish, but whatever works.
I started using Headspace thanks to a tip from a mommy friend. I hadn't heard of it, but I guess it's one of the most popular apps right now, which just goes to show you that I'm apparently not the only one who has rage issues. Honestly, I thought I was really going to hate meditating. I'd tried to meditate so many times in the past, but always ended up throwing in the towel after a few weeks or a month, but this time it's been different. Headspace is great for beginners, especially the initial 10 days of guided meditation, and I've found that I look forward to taking time out of my day to sit quietly and still my mind. There are all different kinds of meditation packs, and while I personally prefer the ones focused on silence, there's definitely something for everyone.
So, does it work? Am I less angry and overwhelmed? For the most part, yes. I think that meditating every day has helped rein in my natural craziness and calm my anxiety. I still get frustrated with my kids (who doesn't?) but I'm aware now that my initial instinct is to lash out at them, so I make an effort to take a deep breath before reacting. I'm not a perfect parent by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm a nicer and more patient one, so I'm officially a meditation devotee. But don't worry, I have no intention of giving up shaving and wearing patchouli.
You look like a person who could use some meditation.
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