Tuesday, December 1, 2015

5 Things Parents REALLY Want for Christmas

what moms really want for christmas
Also add to list: photos where your kids aren't moving
Sunday evening, as I was sitting on my couch watching my children throw plastic food at each other, I realized that my 2015 Holiday Gift Guide isn't quite complete. Oh sure, there's bound to be something fabulous on there for at least one person on your list, but the things that parents truly want are items that can't be purchased.  Let's face it: you can't put a monetary value on being well rested.

1. Sleep.  Uninterrupted, peaceful sleep for at least 8-10 hours.  I realize that exhaustion pretty much goes with the territory when one is a parent, but that doesn't mean that you ever get used to it.  On the contrary; you tend to spend inordinate amounts of time talking about sleep and discussing with your spouse/friends/anyone who will listen how tired you are.  There is nothing more luxurious than a full night of sleep, in your own bed, without interruption or early wake-up calls from your children.  The only way this is going to happen is if Santa brings full time childcare down the chimney.

2. Long, hot, shower.  If they ever introduce "speed showering" as an Olympic sport, I'm pretty sure that I have a good chance of medaling.  When you have small children, showering becomes somewhat of a luxury item.  On days when I do get a chance to shower, there's a high probability that I've got about five minutes, max, before my kids need my attention or start beating each other, so I have learned the most efficient way to clean myself in the shortest amount of time.  I would love to take a long, scalding hot shower; to wash my hair multiple times; to shave my legs at a leisurely pace as opposed to fast enough to slice an artery; and to just stand there, alone, as hot water cleanses my body of all the yogurt, sand and other disgustng matter that my children have covered it with over the past year.

3. Alone time.  24 hours is all I need.  Just one full day to do whatever I want without interruption.  I would watch something on TV other than Caillou, read more than one page of a magazine, use my label maker and reorganize my linen cupboard and drink a glass of red wine while sitting on my white couch.

4. Hot meal.  I'm talking so hot that you can see the steam coming off of it.  The last hot meal I enjoyed at home was the one I cooked the night before I gave birth to the Muffin Man.  While I've learned to tolerate the taste of ice cold salmon, and room temperature pizza, I dream of someday again enjoying the particular deliciousness of a piping hot dinner.  This aforementioned hot dinner would also include being able to finish my portion before either having to share it with one of my offspring or needing to take one of them to the potty/bath/bed.  Therefore, I look forward to getting this gift under my tree sometime in the year 2032 when my kids are no longer living at home.

5.  Massage.  Kids are a pain in the neck, literally.  They are also a pain in the back, shoulders, and knees.  I'm sure the fact that I'm of an "advanced maternal age" contributes to just how stiff and achy I am at the end of every day, but every parent I know (even the young ones) complains about something.  There's not much of a chance that I'm going to find items 1-4 under my Christmas tree, so I guess I'll have to settle for a gift certificate to The NOW.  Which, if you think about it, combines almost everything into one: I can sleep on the massage table, take a long hot shower, and enjoy some alone time.

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