Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Five Signs Your Kid is from LA

What LA kids like
New York has nuts, we've got fruit.
Lord help me, but I think I'm raising a native Angeleno.

I swore that I would never let it happen.  That despite raising them in LA, I would somehow be able to keep my children from becoming full fledged Southern California kids.  I guess I assumed that my Husband's New York-ness would be passed on through their genes like his nose, but it's starting to look like, as with most things about raising children, I was dead wrong. 

55 degrees is considered "freezing".  Yesterday, I saw a kid in a stroller wearing a snowsuit.  Let me remind you that it has not snowed in Los Angeles since 1949, and there was no snow predicted for yesterday afternoon.  However, when the coldest temperature most small children have expereinced is "hotter than Hell" I suppose that anything below 70 degrees can feel downright Arctic.  That being said, please don't turn your kid into a total weather pussy; a warm sweater, a vest, and a pair of actual shoes (instead of flip flops) will suffice for what passes as winter here. 

What is this wetness falling from the sky?  I think that kids in Los Angeles are more likely to see a Unicorn than they are to become accustomed to rainy weather.  Whenever we do have those all-too-rare rainy days, my children stare out the windows for hours, marveling at this amazing phenomenon of water falling from the sky.  I've met a few kids who are actually afraid of rain, which means they will no doubt grow up to be those LA people who become completely incapable of operating a moving vehicle at the first sight of rain.

Famous people are just...people.  If your kid doesn't already have the offspring of someone famous in his baby group, then he's sure to have at least one celebrity spawn in his preschool class.  While you may find it weird to see the star of an Emmy-winning TV show wearing glasses and yoga pants at preschool drop-off, to your kid that's just "Poppy's Mommy".  Also, unlike your parents, your kid thinks that being an actor/writer/director is a legitimate job.

Kale and quinoa.  Normal kids like to eat things that come in nugget form, or that are best served on a bun, and if you try to serve them green vegetables they turn up their nose in disgust.  Offer an LA kid a chip made of kale, and watch with amazement as he gobbles it up, declares it delicious, and asks for more.  Until 10 years ago, I'd never heard of quinoa, and I certainly didn't know how to pronounce it. LA kids bring edamame in their lunch boxes, chow down on sushi, and know their way around a bowl of posole.  My kids and their toddler food pyramid drive me insane, but one of the five things they eat is eel (yuck!), which I didn't even know was edible until I was an adult.

Beach babies.  You know you're raising an LA kid if she doesn't care about having sand in her lady parts.  Sure, the water is cold, and possibly polluted, but your kid isn't bothered by that; she's from Los Angeles!  Stock up on sunscreen and wetsuits, and get ready to sit in the traffic on the 10, because you're going to be spending the rest of your life driving your kids back and forth to parties in Santa Monica, Malibu, and Hermosa.

Eh, I suppose there are worse places to raise children.  I just can't think of any right now, what with my kids screaming about being so cold in these frigid 65 degree temps.

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