Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Where, Oh Where, Have My Boobs Gone?

I went bra shopping this morning, which was one of the more depressing experiences of my recent life.

You guys, I have no boobs.

I don't know where they went to, exactly, but I guess my children somehow ingested my great rack along with all of that breastmilk, because all of the sudden I look more like a twelve year-old girl than a grown woman.  How could I have gone from 34C to 36DD to 32-barely-a-B?!

If this is the state of my boobies while I'm still nursing, I'm getting really scared about what I'm going to look like when I wean the Little Lady.  Will my chest become concave?  Will I start to look like a postoperative transexual if I forget to wax my mustache?  It's a chilling thought, friends.

Technically, I'm still nursing Rose.  The only problem is that she has no interest in me whatsoever and if I even offer her a boob she looks at me like I've called her a racist slur and starts screaming bloody murder.  I can sometimes force feed her if she's completely asleep, but even my usually abundant supply is being hit hard by the fact that there's no baby interested in partaking of it.  I'm pumping twice a day and downing fenugreek pills the way I did tequila shoots in college, but I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep the taps flowing.

The problem is that I'm reluctant to wean.

Rose is my last baby and while I definitely don't want another kid, it's terribly bittersweet that my littlest munchkin doesn't want to be babied anymore.  She's too busy to nurse now - she's crawling and pulling up and trying to keep up with her brother - and it's just too hard for her to focus long enough to feed.  So I'm struggling with trying to honor this aspect of her personality while also wanting to provide her with the benefits of breastmilk (the jury is still out on whether there really are that many) and my desire to enjoy bonding with my baby girl for just a little while longer.

I'm hoping I can keep this going for a few more months, but I suspect that the decision, ultimately, won't really be mine to make.  In the meantime I may just do a little research on breast lifts.

For a friend, of course.

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