Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Musings on Motherhood with The Better Half Blogs

This month, I'm bringing you a series of personal stories about being "born a Mother" in order to help generate some buzz for the incredible work being done through Every Mother Counts.  If you'd like to learn about ways you can help make pregnancy and childbirth safer for all women, click here

Today I'm excited to welcome Nicole from The Better Half Blogs.  Nicole is hilarious, and I always enjoy her no-holds-barred approach to parenting and life, so I'm thrilled to have her sharing her story for such a great cause.

Two days after my daughter turned two I walked into my OB/GYN's office to have my IUD removed.  Immediately upon walking out I had a panic attack while on the phone with my best friend because oh my God, what was I THINKING?

Becoming a mom wasn't something that I had time to anticipate or plan.  No, motherhood was happily thrust upon me in a wave of cheap beer during a weekend on a disgusting river.  Our bundle of joy was a surprise, is what I'm saying here.  And even when the initial shock wore off I was still unable to enjoy the process, as I was too buys revisiting breakfast again, and again, and again.

In the months after Audrey made her grand entrance there was a sharp realization that I was in over my head in the worst way.  I spent many a night crying and wondering how it is possible that planetary overcrowd could even be a thing.  Yet here we are, a short four years later and, believe it or not, she's still alive and happy!

It's now been two and a half years since that panic outside my probably very confused doctor's office, and in that time I have endured a very sad miscarriage, a D&C, six rounds of clomid, countless doctor visits and, just recently, an extremely painful HSG...all to replicate what came too easily and accidentally during one blurry weekend.  I have been diagnosed with Secondary Infertility, which is an umbrella term for "we have no idea what's wrong with you since you seem to have been able to do this before."  Every month is hard, some harder than others.

Having experienced both sides of the mothering coin, which is having motherhood thrust upon me and now having it just out of reach, I can honestly say that I was born to be a mother.  I was born to do this.  I know this because I've had a lot of time to think.  That's the gift of infertility - nothing but time.  Time to really look inside yourself, inside your marriage and ask "is this really what is best for me and my family?"  My answer is always a resounding abso-frickin-lutely.

This is me and this is what I live for.  I was born to be a mother, just ask my daughter.  (She may not feel that way now...or in 10 years when she's a teenager, but try when she's a mother herself, that's when they usually appreciate their mothers.  Yeah, ask her then.  I'll wait.)

Thank you so much for sharing, Nicole!  

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