Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Motherhood FAIL of the Week: Good Mommy

I've recently begun taking the Muffin Man to a Mommy and Me yoga class on Tuesday mornings.  I did a lot of Prenatal Yoga when I was pregnant, which I definitely think contributed to the success of my natural birth, but it wasn't exactly a hard workout.  Now that I'm finally ready to get my body back in shape, I've been on the hunt for a good class that gives me a workout but that also welcomes my crawling, wiggling, chattering child. I found one that not only fulfills all my requirements but also happens to be taught by my doula.  I absolutely love this class.  It's a nurturing environment full of Mommas and Babies, but I also get a great workout that leaves me with sore muscles the following day.

Yesterday, in addition to receiving a killer ab workout, I also came face-to-face with my feelings about my mothering.  The teacher had us do an exercise in which we had to say to ourselves, "I am a really good Mother.  I am a great Mother.  I acknowledge that I am a very good Mother."  Well, you know what?  I couldn't for the life of me say those words out loud.  I spend so much time here on the blog and in my day-to-day life being very up front about all of my instances of bad Mothering, that it's very hard for me to allow myself the space to accept the good Mothering as well.  To be fair I realize this is an issue that permeates all aspects of my life, which is why I still see a therapist, but let's just focus on the Mothering sphere today.  Why is it that as Mothers we see our faults so clearly, but not our assets?  

No Mommy is perfect.  Heck, I'm just doing my best trying to make it through the day without causing bodily harm to myself or my son.  But I am a good Mother.  Yes, I forget to fasten my kid into his carseat, and I've been known to feed him a choking hazard or two, but none of these things were done with malicious intent.  In fact, everything I do is done out of love and a desire to be the best, most perfect Mom on the planet.  Of course, this is an impossible quest.  All I can be is a perfectly imperfect Mommy; and that should be enough.

So today's Motherhood FAIL is a little different.  By not being able to acknowledge that I am a really good Mother, I'm not only failing myself, but also my son.  If I have no confidence in my Mothering skills, how can I expect Noah to trust me with his well being?  I love that kid more than words can say, and I am often a not-so-good Mommy, but I am also a very, very good Mother.  So I'm going to make an effort to remind myself of this on a daily basis.  I promise that my newfound confidence in my Mothering skills will not keep me from sharing my various failures, because in my book having the ability to laugh at yourself and all of your fumbles is definitely the cornerstone to being a very good Mother.  

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