Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Motherhood FAIL of the Week: Empty Handed

I've had another one of those weeks full of Motherhood failures.  I thought I would have a hard time choosing just one to write about, but that was before yesterday, when I'm pretty sure I could've been nominated for "Shittiest Mother of the Year".

On Tuesday afternoons I take the Muffin Man to our VIP Mommy and Me class. We had a busy day yesterday and, as per usual, I was running late, so I grabbed my diaper bag without checking to make sure it was fully stocked.  On the way to class the unmistakable scent of Noah crapping in his diaper wafted into the front seat, so I knew I would have to deal with a poopy diaper once we arrived at class. (Sidebar: Every time Noah is in his carseat he poops. I assume this is either a comment on LA traffic or my sub par driving skills).  After braving a traffic jam on the 101 while trapped in a car that smelled like poo, I quickly raced into the bathroom to change Noah only to discover that I DID NOT HAVE A SINGLE CLEAN DIAPER IN MY BAG. I mean, for Christ's sake it's called a diaper bag and yet the only thing it contained yesterday was my wallet, a makeup bag (talk about unnecessary) and at least twelve toys, none of which could be used as an impromptu diaper.  Ever the creative type, I figured I could clean Noah's butt, flush the poop down the toilet and then put the used diaper back on him.  Feeling very proud of myself for this inventive solution, I reached into my bag to get my wipes only to discover I ALSO HAD NO BABY WIPES.  Without any other options I apologized to Noah, told him I would change his diaper as soon as we got home, and I took him to class in a poopy diaper. Needless to say, my kiddo wasn't exactly in the best mood during class yesterday. When Old McDonald had a Farm performed with puppets fails to elicit even a half-hearted smile, things are bad. I raced home as soon as class was over, put a fresh diaper on Noah, and filled my diaper bag with enough supplies to last me a year.

Honestly, yesterday was one of the lowest moments in my short tenure as Mommy.  I probably should've asked one of the other Moms if she had an extra diaper, but I just couldn't face up to admitting to an entire room of Mommies who are perfectly put together that I didn't remember to bring an extra diaper.  I'm the frazzled, unshowered Momma in a room full of glamorous women who somehow manage to wear makeup and designer clothes despite being responsible for seven month old poop machines, and I didn't want to risk being judged by these women who appear so perfect.  The irony is that the very reason I started this blog was because I thought that airing all of my Motherhood shortcomings might help reduce so much of the judgement we Mothers pass on each other. So I'm fessing up today.  I really, really failed yesterday. Not only because my son is probably going to have to go to some special therapist who deals with kids left in poopy diapers too long, but also because I didn't trust that the other Mommies would understand and appreciate me owning up to not being a perfect Mom. What can I say, I guess even though I'm an adult I'm still intimidated by the pretty, popular girls who seem to have their shit opposed to in their baby's pants.

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