Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Motherhood FAIL of the Week

One of the things you don't realize until you become a parent is how much fun it is to buy stuff for your kid.  I hate to shop for clothes for myself, but set me loose in The Children's Place and I go crazy picking out items to add to the Muffin Man's wardrobe.  Now that Noah is more active, I've fallen into the deep, dark abyss that is toy shopping. There happens to be a great toy store on the route of our daily walk, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm on a first name basis with everyone who works there.  Last week, before I was sidelined by mastitis, I picked up an adorable peg puzzle that I thought Noah would really enjoy. True to my dirty hippie roots, I only purchase wooden toys, so I was happy to find that the puzzle was made by one of my favorite brands, Melissa & Doug (Haba is incredible as well.  Insanely expensive, but great.).  Yesterday morning I finally had a chance to unwrap the puzzle from the plastic and give it to Noah to play with (side note: why are kids so obsessed with playing with any kind of plastic suffocation hazard?  I swear my child is suicidal).  Of course the first thing Noah did upon figuring out how to pull up the puzzle pieces was to put them in his mouth. He's at that age where he experiences the world orally, so everything goes into his gaping maw (interestingly enough, many of the men I dated seem to have never left this stage of development).  All seemed to be going fine until the Muffin Man began to gag and choke and turn bright red. I couldn't figure out what had happened.  Did he somehow gag himself with the fish-shaped puzzle piece?  Had one of the screws come loose and been inhaled into his windpipe?  Just when I was about to panic and rush him to the hospital, Noah stuck out his tongue, which was an inch thick with sawdust. Apparently, my stupid, hippie wooden puzzle leaks sawdust.  I was so smug about my all natural toy choices, but the minute Noah began chewing and sucking on Mr. Fishy, he swallowed a whole handful of wood particles.  My entire effort to be a natural, non-toxic, hippie Momma got completely wiped out by a morning snack of pressboard. Noah has been a little constipated this week, so I suppose I can just count it as "roughage", but I'm definitely going to exchange the puzzle for something...plastic.

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