Thursday, May 2, 2013

Chivalry is Dead


Chivalry is dead, my friends.  I knew that it was on its way out, but now that I have become a Mother and spend many hours of my day trying to navigate through doors with my baby stroller, I can tell you without a doubt that chivalry is dead, buried, and in no danger of coming back to haunt us.  Single ladies, I seriously feel for you, because most of the guys out there are complete and total assholes. 

This fact was driven home to me yesterday afternoon while I was struggling to open the door at the post office.  Three men of varying ages simply stared at me while I contorted myself into knots worthy of a Cirque de Soleil act trying to get my stroller through the door; not a single one offered to help or held the door for me.  Lest you think this is some sort of post office related rudeness, I’ve had this very same thing happen at the coffee shop, at the drug store, and at the mall.  In fact, other than my husband, other males I happen to be related to, and three random strangers, not a single man has ever helped me with my stroller.  Last week I actually had a guy at the library push me out of the way to beat me to the door and then let it slam against the stroller, which, of course, resulted in the Muffin Man waking up and screaming bloody murder.  I had half a mind to chase after that guy and hold him hostage in a car with my wailing infant, but I thought better of it, mainly because I don’t think it would be appropriate for my son to have to visit me in prison. 

Honestly, sometimes I despair for our society.  I know this makes me sound like I’m an eighty-year-old yenta living out her golden years in Boca Raton, but it disturbs me that the men in America seem to have no manners.  Granted, I’m sure it’s probably worse here in Los Angeles, the city of narcissism and navel gazing, but I have a sneaking suspicion this epidemic is beginning to reach the flyover states as well.  I’m sure that there are lots of theories about why men are no longer chivalrous – maybe it was the women’s movement, maybe it’s that boys don’t have fathers anymore, maybe it’s that women are too independent – honestly, I don’t really care what the cause is.  Heck, I’m an independent woman who has no problem opening her own door, except when I literally do not have an extra hand to do so because I'm steering a stroller the size of a school bus.  I applaud how far women have come, but there a few things about the whole Mad Men era I wish still existed.  Sure, Don Draper is a liar and a womanizer, but at least he holds the door for whichever wife he’s cheating on. 

The bright spot in all of this is that I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how helpful other women are.  I’ve had women literally fall over themselves to hold doors open, or help me carry the stroller up and down staircases.  I find this encouraging, especially since we often get a bad rap for being backstabbing, gossiping wenches not interested in helping each other out.  I’m here to tell you that sisters really are doin' it for themselves.  And I don’t blame them, considering what duds the men of generations X, Y, and Z have turned out to be.

Ladies, I’m making a promise to you right now that my son will grow up to be a gentleman.  He will learn to hold open doors and pull out chairs and to stand up when a woman leaves the dinner table.  Women deserve to be shown these signs of respect, and I figure by the time he's an adult he’ll be one of the last men on Earth with any manners, and that’s sure to guarantee that he gets a ton of pussy.  

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