Thursday, April 25, 2013

It's the Little Things

Ah, the good ol' days.
I really can't believe how many little, every day things I took for granted before I had a child. Here's a list of the top five:

1. Showering. Specifically, taking long, leisurely showers that involve washing and conditioning my hair, shaving my legs, and exfoliating. These days I'm lucky if I get to shower every day. And there have been more times than I care to admit when I've been forced to walk around with only one shaved leg.

2. Sleeping deeply and without interruption. Apparently once you have a child there is some switch that goes off in your head that causes you to wake upon hearing the quietest little sound. I used to be able to sleep through six rounds of garbage trucks and an earthquake. Now I'm wide awake if the neighbors three doors down drop a pin. And of course we all know that I don't sleep for longer than two hours at a time. I'm afraid that the days of sleeping 10 blissful, uninterrupted hours are a thing of the past.

3. Reading a book. I love to read. Prior to becoming a parent I would read at least one book a week. One of my favorite weekend activities used to be curling up on our patio and losing myself in a great story. I have a book that I started shortly after we brought the Muffin Man home. To date, I've read about 15 pages. It seems like a good book, but I'm so tired at night (ok, all the time) that I can't keep my eyes open long enough to read more than a paragraph. I figure I should finally find out "who done it" when Noah goes off to camp in about ten years or so.

4. The New York Times on Sunday morning. Several hours spent with hot coffee and The Times has been one of my favorite rituals for the past 15 years. I don't think I would even be able to find the time these days to read one article! Anyway, now that I have a kiddo I really don't want to know so much about the horrible things happening all over the world. They say that ignorance is bliss and I definitely agree with that; especially when you're off your anti-anxiety medication.

5. Sex. I used to like sex. In fact, I used to have a lot of it, which is how I got myself jnto this situation in the first place. I would really like to have the energy and desire to have sex again. The problem certainly isn't my husband, he's just as adorable and sexy as he was before we had a baby (actually, I think he's more attractive to me now that I've seen him as a father). I'm just so tired all the time, and so covered in spit-up and baby pee that sex seems like too much effort. Plus it turns out that Mother Nature has this whole natural birth control system in place after you have a baby that makes your lady parts drier than the Sahara desert at noon in summer. Based on some of my past experiences sleeping with men who didn't "rev my motor" so to speak, that just doesn't sound like a fun time. The good news is that I'm sure when we do have sex again it will be really exciting. It's been so long it will be like we're newly dating again!

The moral of the story is this, dear reader: don't forget to use birth control if you still value taking a shower on a daily basis. I love my son with all my heart, but there are some times when I long for the carefree days of sleeping till noon, reading a book by the pool, and having lots of sex in weird places. Here's hoping I'll still enjoy doing all those things when Noah leaves for college in 18 years. Remind me to do a lot more yoga to keep my joints limber for all that kinky sex I'll be having in my 60s.

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